Colorful leaves wiggle on trees, some shining magically golden, some in shades of green, red yet purple. Spider nets hang dreamily in the sun and a chill breeze foresees the upcoming arrival of the cold seasons. The air is filled with the melancholic smell of the European harvest time. What a beautiful autumn time!
What a beautiful autumn time 12,000 km away…
While people in my home country Germany enjoy that enviable autumn time homesickness has hit me here in Indonesia. For that, it needed only some pictures of colorful leaves and ripe pumpkins that smiled at me through various social media channels. I have lived in Indonesia for more than 15 years and one would almost think that I must have become immune to attacks of homesickness. But this is not the case.
True is that this mood of sadness overcomes me often out of the blue. Images of beloved people and the warmth of their company come up and mix with sweet memories to this hurtful longing. The longing for being there where I can´t be right now…
15 years are a long time to find out how to deal with homesickness. And how to avoid that it bums me out so much that my motivation and productivity are badly affected. So, over the years I have developed some tools that help me to regain a balanced and happy mood. I learned a lot about how the human brain and its chemistry work. Today, I´m sharing all my insights and tips with you:
Your energy flows there where you turn your attention.
First important point: There is nothing bad about being homesick. We always should allow these feelings to show up. Remembering sweet memories and grieving is necessary – at least for a while. However, when this is taking too long and your condition turns to be too depressive, it´s better to work constructively on overcoming the sadness.
A state of homesickness means that there is stress and it is starting from your brain and running through your body. Chances are high that your stone-age brain is triggered and is kicking off a survival response of either fight, flight or freeze. From my own experience I know that your brain can be in a flight (meaning running-away) mood not only for hours but for days and even weeks!!!
What is homesickness actually?
Homesickness is a longing that hurts, yes, but one that roots in a mixture of a melancholic memory of the past and based on that in a self-constructed image of a situation in the future. In other words: When being in the homesick mood you either focus your mind on something that has already passed or on some vague, sugarcoated imagination that you don´t even know if and how it will become reality.
1 Become present
My first tip is therefore: Realize that life happens now. Now, in the very moment, there where you are. So, pull yourself in the Here & Now and become present. Sense what is around you, what you hear, see, feel and taste. Especially when living abroad, there is always something special that you can mindfully observe. So, immerse yourself in your environment and discover how the “ordinary” life happens around you.
Yes, this is a simple mindfulness practice but one with a strong effect: Your energy flows there where you turn your attention. If you focus on living in the moment, then you will gain strength by being present. On the other hand, if you spend your energy on melancholizing the past, then your energy will flow there and even increase your sad feeling of longing.
People that regularly practice meditation or mindfulness find it easier to turn on the observation mood. That´s for sure, being present in the moment gives you also relaxation. Read more about this in point 5.
2 Let go from your expectations
Homesickness is a condition in that you feel unsatisfied because you are longing for being somewhere else. As a result, you formulate expectations like, “I wanna be at home!” But if these expectations cannot be fulfilled, you can only end up being frustrated and unhappy. So, re-consider your expectations and try to let them go. And again, concentrate on being there where you are right now! From my experience I know that there lies a special magic in the moment when we are present while “just “ observing.
3 Practice gratitude
Being grateful for that what you have is helpful. Shift your focus away from lack to the wider perspective of abundance. Scientists have found out that feelings of gratitude stimulate the hypothalamus that is not only involved in regulating stress in the brain but also contributes to the reward circuit that produces pleasure.
You may ask, what you should be grateful for in your misery of homesickness? Practice this little exercise: Take a pen and a sheet of paper and write whatever that comes in your mind about what you appreciate of your current state of life. Take your time to find ideas and you´ll be surprised how much you turn out to have! And don´t forget to be grateful for it.
Every time we physically move there also moves something in our brain and can cause a change in perspectives and emotions.
4 Get the bigger picture
Speaking of shifting your perspective: You have the choice to either indulge in your homesick-sadness or choose taking a perspective that feels more positive. More fortunate and lighter. My next very important tip is to change your viewpoint and try to get the bigger picture of your life abroad. See it from some distance like a bird would do while flying in the sky and watching you from up there. Ask questions like:
Why did you move abroad?
What was the exciting thing about it?
How do you rate the time of being homesick in comparison to all other experiences you´ve made abroad? Or to your path through life in general?
Taking another perspective gives you a fresh new view on the situation. The switch in the brain often brings eye-opening experiences along and can lead to a feeling of satisfaction.
5 Move
Motion creates emotion. Every time we physically move there also moves something in our brain and can cause a change in perspectives and emotions. Especially when we are stuck in a certain mood or when our thoughts revolve about the same thing again and again, it is time to move your body and brain. Go for a long walk, do some workout or yoga or whatever that feels good for you.
The healthy side effect of motion is that it causes relaxation. A relaxed state of mind causes that your survival reactions are not longer triggered. Your body stops producing the stress hormone cortisol, which automatically leads to a feeling of well-being. Moving in nature helps to build up a strong grounding and so increases the relaxation effect.
If you don´t have the chance to move around a lot, you can do some Brain Gym® exercises like Cross-Crawls or some Lazy Eights. These also switch off the survival mode, connect various brain parts and so cause a feeling of well-being and connection.
6 Socialize
Speaking of connection: Connecting to people, feeling the energy of others – in other word: socializing, causes by nature a positive feeling. Humans are tribal creatures. When we share our thoughts (and may them be sad, homesickness-like ones) to people we trust, we instantly feel better. The reason behind is that when we have a deep and trustful conversation, the hormone oxytocin is released that can create feelings of well-being and comfort.
And all these things are exactly that what I did in the last days: I turned my attention to my life here in Indonesia: Observed how the first rain was running down our roof. Cuddled my sweaty, amazingly sweet scenting children. And reminded me of being grateful for having them and for living a safe life in warm and sunny Indonesia. I made some Brain Gym® exercises (as I do everyday) and went on a walk through the nearby paddy fields. And I went out for a beer with a dear friend with whom I ended up laughing about odd things that happen in ordinary everyday life.
When I see pictures of a golden autumn time now, I just think to myself, “How beautiful!” I still wish to be there but I choose to be happy and grounded where I am right now. And you know what? This feels really good :).
Are these tips and insights helpful? Please let me know your homesickness experiences or share your thoughts in the comments below.
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