Dark clouds in paradise – How to deal with expat blues?

Sometimes it is just there. It overwhelms you out of a sudden or slides slightly into your mind. If it overcomes you – this sad mood – you start feeling lonely and somehow frustrated. And you realize that this has something to do with your life abroad. You feel like having lost any sense of this supposed to be exciting expat life – dark clouds in paradise… And you start to wonder, “What on earth am I doing here? “

This condition of having a gloomy mood while living abroad has a name: It is called the expat blues. It can hit every expat and no matter if you live a regular office life or you are an accompanying spouse. And it can happen at any time: After more than a decade as a German in Indonesia I know that it sometimes simply comes and goes – also years after the phase of initial adaption. And in most cases it will pass.

The causes for the expat blues are as many as the expats on our planet. Some suffer of the long distance to dear friends and relatives back home. Others, especially expat spouses, miss a regular activity or a hobby that fulfills them. Others again are just bothered by the foreign environment. And some feel unsatisfied because they cannot get a link to the foreign culture. In other words: The expat blues is often caused by the discrepancy between your expectations (or needs) and the reality.

The good news is that you can do something to overcome it. Here are my 8 well-proven strategies of fighting the expat blues:

1.   Acknowledge it and it´s reasons

First of all, acknowledge that you have the expat blues. No reason to get mad on your partner, your children or other people around. Your frustration is not their fault, also not their problem. It´s yours. Realize this and figure out: What was it that brought you into this mood? Homesickness, cross-cultural stress or just a foreign infrastructure that lacks of so many things that you actually need?

Becoming clear about your current situation is the precondition to be able to work on it.

Next: Work on your body!

2.   Get grounded

We humans need to be connected to the earth energies. A good grounding gives us a feeling of inner balance and satisfaction. Expats – especially those who fly a lot – quite often run the risk of having a poor grounding. This can cause a variety of feelings like hypersensitivity, fatigue or feeling lost.

So, ground yourself!

Get your feet on the earth. Take off your shoes and socks and have a walk on the meadow in your backyard or the city park nearby.

Feel the connection to Mother Nature. Feel the connection to the place where you are.

By the way, this gives you a little reflexology massage for free.

According to Traditional Chinese Medicine you ground yourself by strengthening the element of earth inside your body. Food with sweet taste supports this element: fruits – fresh or dried – as well as carrots, pumpkins and (sweet) potatoes.

3.   Move!

Walking, jogging, dancing are great activities to get grounded.

But moving has also another important effect: Exercising does not only stimulate your blood circulation. It has also a kinesthetic effect on your brain. While walking, doing yoga or other sports you activate and connect different parts of your brain (learn more about this here). And this enables you to think more clearly and develop ideas more easily. This is also the reason why we see things much brighter after a long walk or a refreshing swim.

Now, work on your mind!

4.   Think positively

Did you know that most of the people spend 85% of their thoughts thinking negative stuff? How about you?

Thinking positively has definitely a great impact on your everyday mood. But be careful: This doesn´t mean to force yourself putting a good face on your bluesy situation under the slogan of, “It´s not that bad”.

No, it is bad.

Admit it.

Accept it.

AND try this: Instead of thinking what is not good enough or what just sucks point out the positive things that you have experienced.

Start with this little exercise: Every evening, grab a pen and a paper and write down at least 5 positive situations, thoughts or conditions that you came along during the day. Don´t think about the negative things. Stay positive!

Try to implement this positive view into your daily life. Bit by bit, every day. You will realize that after some time your mood brightens and the expat blues fades away.

5.   Find inspiration

In times of expat blues I often feel like not being able to remember what inspires me in life in general. What thrives me. Excites me. Fulfills me. Life without inspiration is – if you ask me – like a black and white photograph of a rainbow. But we need inspiration, otherwise we feel like only being half alive. Inspiration lets your heart jumping of joy. And this is exactly that what you have to achieve in gloomy times.

How about your inspiration?

Do this little exercise: Remember past situations when you had that great feeling of inspiration before or after you went abroad. What was it what inspired you?

Was it nature that you hiked through while climbing up Indonesia´s magnificent fire mountains?

Or was it spiritualism that you felt during a colorful Balinese ceremony?

Or was it the fascination for the people of this planet whose smiles you captured with your camera?

Figure out what your point(s) of inspiration is. Then, find ways to reactivate it and implement them in your daily life.

6.   Be mindful

Frustration, homesickness or struggling have something in common: Your mind is not present. Your thoughts are either up in the clouds or far away in your home country. But thinking your gloomy thoughts again and again won´t help you to overcome the blues.

Better be mindful.

Pull yourself into the present, here and now.

Pay attention to your immediate environment. Perceive what is there – nature, culture…

Or find a little helper like this one from Calm.

7.   S.O.C.I.A.L.I.Z.E.

In moody times you might feel like getting rid of the world outside. But locking yourself out even worsens the expat blues. Don´t hide in your home or your office. Go out and meet people!

People always bring new spirits into your day, new ideas, new points of views. Short: inspiration (see point 6)! That is why socializing is a great way to blow your cobwebs away. Try to find people that usually make you laugh and pick up their cheerful mood.

By the way, meeting good friends gives you the chance to talk about your current mood. You know, a problem shared is a problem halved…

8.   Alcohol – hands off

Unfortunately, expats are a species that develops alcohol dependency quite easily. Expat blues is one reason for many to start drinking more than usual. Don´t get me wrong, nothing against a glass of wine or a cocktail in a bar. But the danger of slipping into a drinking habit abroad is big, like this article describes very well.

Instead of finding a short escape from your problems by nebulizing your head, stabilize your mind! Socialize. Do workout. Be present.