Sabar ya, Bos! – Why expats do well to exercise patience in Indonesia

In Indonesia, sooner or later you will come across the friendly request, “Sabar ya, Bos*!” or “Sabar yaaa!” With this people ask you to be patient. Sabar means patient and you do well to add this word to your survival vocabulary of Indonesian. Believe me, you will hear it often.

* Bos (inspired by the English Boss) is a relatively new slang salutation for respected people and replaces the conventional Pak/Bapak in certain settings.

In Indonesia waiting is normal: You wait at the supermarket cashier that is operated by the most relaxed checker ever. Sabar!

You wait in the daily traffic jam that feels like an eternity. Sabar!

Or you wait for hours at home for a dear friend to show up. Sabar!

Being patient is challenging for many expats. Especially those who come from countries where time efficiency is a major issue are not used to wait and wait and wait…

Honestly, I´ve often had a hard time in these situations. I consider myself as not the most patient person on earth – may it be because of my German cultural heritage or my personal characteristics. And so, short after the waiting game has started I cannot help but to detect the first physical symptoms of impatience within my body. My pulse races, my breath, too. I feel some tingling all over my body and catch my feet drumming rhythmically on the floor. Yes, I am starting to get nervous and I question desperately: “Why on earth does everything take SO DAMN LONG in this country???” Deep breath in, strong and hearable breath out.

The crazy bule*

Not few expats loose temper in these situations. Well known is the image of the crazy bule that is getting mad on the people around just because of some “little” waiting. And there might be also expats who cooled down some friendships to Indonesians because they are offended after having wait for appointments too often and too long…

(*Bule is a slang term for “foreigner”.)

But expats in Indonesia do well to practice patience in daily life and in general. Being patient is not only considered a valued and appreciated behavior in Indonesia. People also draw conclusions to your personality – and this is a serious point if you ask me. Let´s take a closer look at that.

Patience is a matter of personal maturity

Have you ever paid attention to how Indonesians wait patiently in a long queue? They just stand there, sometimes even with a peaceful expression in their faces. And this is what people expect from others in these situations. With being patient you show that you are a person of mature character: You can control your emotions even under pressure. And in the interest of the community you are able to set your personal wishes aside and contribute to keep a convenient atmosphere for all. By the way, acting in the sense of community is one of the major communication targets for all Indonesians, no matter of which ethnical background.

Believe me, also many Indonesians are bothered by long waiting times and delays. However, they don´t show their impatience. They just stay calm and stand it. Why? The answer leads us back to the above example of the crazy bule: Loosing temper or showing signs of impatience is considered childish, selfish – and immature. And this is the way how people think about the crazy foreigner, “He doesn´t know yet how to behave properly” or “He can´t be taken seriously”. Honestly, would you like to be seen like this by the people next to you? Also we can guess what effects such an “immature” behavior may have at – for example – a governmental office where the foreigner needs an important letter…

The masters of patience

There is one group of people in Indonesia that deserves to win The Sabar-Award if there were one. And these guys are (drumroll): The Becak drivers! They are the real masters of patience. They wait all day for customers, from morning till night, in all weather conditions. They wait and still don´t even know if they will have at least one customer on a day. Imagine! And they wait with the certainty of earning little money that is hardly enough to make a living. They not only demonstrate patience in matters of time, but also in their belief in the goodness of life…

Coping strategies

This leads me to my first coping strategy of cultural stimulated impatience (what a word!) that I´d love to share with you.

1. Once you catch yourself getting nervous while waiting for a “too” long time in Indonesia, remember the Becak drivers and their faith of waiting every day, all day. Switch your thoughts away from your waiting topic to them. Or pay attention to your immediate environment. The point is: Get rid of your over-focus on the thing you are waiting for. This might help you to calm down.

2. Most important: Take a deep breath! Do that always when you get stressed out or you detect physical stress symptoms inside your body.

3. Take the other perspective. Now you know how Indonesians think about people that cannot be sabar – remember the image of the crazy bule? Try to see the situation and yourself through their cultural lenses. Reflect your attitude. I´m sure you easily will make peace with the waiting game. And you might feel much more connected to the country and its people, which would be wonderful, wouldn´t it?

Indeed, patience takes you further in Indonesia. AND with exercising patience you train other skills that are important for people living a cross-cultural life:

Patience allows you to hold on and listen.

Patience enables you to step back and analyze the situation from different perspectives.

Patience gives you the chance to discover yourself in a different culture through trial and error.

And so, patience brings you also further on your personal path abroad. And through life. “Sabar ya, Bos!” 😉

So, how patient are you? And what are you strategies to deal with long waiting times? Let me know by leaving a comment below. Don´t forget to share my article, if you like it. Thank you!